Rough time on Day 9

First, let me say how heartbroken I am over the loss of Sam's baby. I can't imagine the pain they must be going through. I am praying for them all day, every day.

The last two days have really been tough on Dee. He's starting to feel his age, as he tries to keep up with the younger guys. They had to hike 3 or 4 miles, in a thunderstorm, out in to the woods. His Ruck sack had too much in it, but they said "Bring everything!" so he did. He literally almost collapsed, not able to breathe. That is when they discovered his ruck was too heavy. Then sleeping on a cot in a tent.....his back wasn't feeling so good after all that. He didn't sleep well again.
Then he went to bed with a headache and woke up with a headache (probably dehydration). It eventually got better during the day but they are out doing field drills/exercises in full combat gear, body armor etc. I know he's in the Army, but for a computer analyst type, this is difficult.

He started getting home sick yesterday, really questioning why he had ever signed up. He knows we have suffered through no pay, no respect from the National Guard. And knows that we are always on hold with our lives, waiting on the Army to make up it's mind. He texted me yesterday several times how he missed holding me, falling asleep with my hand on his head, (silly things that we've grown accustom to), etc.

Today, he sounded worse. It seems like most of the family guys were having a rough day today. I think the fatigue is a factor, plus it's been 9 days now. They are used to coming home on the weekends.

When Dee left, he showed no emotion outwardly. Prior to him leaving, when I was crying so hard, all night long. NO sign of emotion. It worried me. I knew he was feeling it, but not showing it. So I think he's bottled it all up and now with the fatigue, its all coming out.

Tonight, driving to church, Jolie helped Jessie with something and said, "I'm your Huckleberry, right Jessie?" Well, that saying is from the movie TOMBSTONE. We use it all the time when you help someone. It's really special between the girls and Dee. He is their Huckleberry. Jolie is very protective of that title between her and her daddy. I said, "Well, since Daddy isn't here, we can all be each other's Huckleberry until he returns." She said, "Daddy is here Mommy!" I said, "Really? What do you mean?" Jolie said, "He's right here in my heart. Just like Jesus is!" Well I teared up and thought that was the sweetest! When Dee calld me when I got to church, I told him about that and it really touched him. He started crying. I felt bad for telling him at that moment. Then he talked to Jolie about something she had done in choir. They were talking about prayer requests. He told her she could ask for prayer for herself since she missed her Daddy. They both were crying. Man! When I talked to him, he was still crying and hung up upset. I did good to stay strong on the phone, but as soon as I hung up, I just lost it. I got it out of my system and a friend from church and my nephew were there to console me. And of course, Jolie was there to hug me too. She always does that when she sees me missing Daddy.

I talked to him later, before bed. He was still struggling. But he said most of the family guys were. He said that a lot of guys are in to sports, or cars, or just hanging out with other guys. But he is different. His family is his life. And because we do everything together, it causes him to miss us even more. We are soul mates and best friends. I miss him terribly.

I can't believe it's only been 9 days! Truly feels like a month already. Everyone says the first month is the hardest, although many wives say the first two months. So we'll see how it goes. We'll be seeing each other in June so it will be close to 2 months when he gets his 4 day pass. Just hope it doesn't start all over again and take another month or two to adjust.

I know it will for him because he'll be in Afghanistan, in a totally different place. But I think once he gets settled, the routine of his job there, and us being in a routine will help.

I am so thankful for my family and friends that know just what to say and how to lift me up. I've got another friend that is an Army wife and it's been a blessing that we've become friends. It helps to have someone that understands exactly how you feel. Her husband is with Dee. I've also met other Army wives on Facebook through a Christian Military Wives site. We all seem to have a difficult time sleeping so you'll usually find us up chatting with each other at 2 am or so! LOL

I am asking for your prayers for Dee. Pray he has an uplifting day. That God will renew his spirit and carry him tomorrow. Pray he will rest tonight, best he can. (They are doing sleep deprivation training with Flashbangs! FUN! NOT!)

He will be in the woods until Saturday. We decided to lift our spirits, we went shopping for Dee's Care package items. It helped. I went crazy and bought everything I could think of that he might want. I think he'll be well stocked for a while. He said the water is horrible and he's been very thirsty so I bought Crystal light packets and gatorade. I ended up having two boxes full that we'll ship tomorrow. That will give him something to look forward to. The girls are going to draw him a picture or two and put some notes in there. If you want to send a note, send it to my email loriluluburd@gmail.com and I will print it and send it in the boxes.

Thanks for reading. Remember to pray for Don and Sam Swaney and all the family.

Love
Lori

Time has come

Well, today we said goodbye to Dee. He is headed to Camp Atterbury in Indiana. We are praying for a 4 day leave in June. We'll see. This weekend has been tough. We came home Saturday night from our mini vacation and the tears started then. I really felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, couldn't stop crying, couldn't catch my breath. Felt like I was going crazy. We didn't go to church because I was such a mess. Today, I met First Sgt's wife, Dianne. This is their 4th deployment. I figured she must have the strength of steel. But after talking to her, she's had the same kind of weekend. She says it doesn't get any better. We all cried at the base. We told Dee goodbye, prayed and hugged until we couldn't anymore. The girls were really sad. Jolie asked Dee to quit the Army so he wouldn't have to go. She doesn't understand.
Then we had to come straight to CRCT testing for Jessie. I am praying she can concentrate. Right now, I am much better than I was. Feels like a regular Monday when he leaves for Ft. Stewart. When the weekend rolls around and he isn't coming home, reality will set in.

Thank to all the friends that have been praying for us. Dee and I will have been married 14 years this May. We've never been apart more than 2 wks, until he went to Louisiana with the ARMY recently, for 3 wks. It was miserable. I guess we'll figure it out as we go.

It was difficult to watch him pack so much stuff, knowing he wouldn't be back holding me in our bed for a very long time. I didn't sleep last night so when Jessie is done, and we are finished with Conyers Kids, off to bed early tonight.

I am very thankful that my time to endure a war is now, not during previous wars, such as Vietnam. Those wives would go weeks without ever hearing from their husbands. They didn't have cell phones or internet. For that, I am thankful.

God has blessed me with a wonderful husband and I guess thats what makes it so difficult. I feel like I've lost my best friend and my insides feel empty. But God is my strength and I will lean on him. On the difficult days, I will let you pray for me, when I can seem to even pray for myself.

Countdown

Well, a week from today, Dee will be leaving for a year. So far, we are doing OK. I know it will be tough once he is gone. Jessie has CRCT's all next week, so I hope she can focus. The first part of his trip is to Camp Atterbury, Indiana for 50 days. We are hoping for at least a 4 day leave for us to go see him. I have a very faint hope that it may be more than that, but I'm not counting on it. I only say that because I know someone else in the Army that got 2 wks at HOME before deploying overseas. Of course, we won't know until last minute. We don't even know where and what time he leaves on Monday!

We had a wonderful Easter. We took off Friday headed to Newnan. We went shopping for Easter clothes and then stayed in a hotel with an indoor pool. The girls loved swimming, their favorite pasttime! We had a scare when a tornado warning was issued just a few miles from the hotel and lots of hail rained down! But we were just fine. We went out to eat at an amazing Mexican restaurant and had a wonderful evening. We asked the Easter Bunny if he could come see the girls on Saturday, instead of Sunday. We just felt that it's always so hectic on Sunday, trying to get ready for church. The girls never have a chance to really enjoy their Easter baskets. Plus, we thought we could do Easter Bunny on Saturday, and make Sunday all about Jesus. It worked out great! The girls enjoyed their candy and toys all morning at the hotel, we checked out at 11 am, went shopping for shoes, then headed to Moreland, GA.
Dee's grandmothers siblings (there are 9 total...or were at one time)had a Easter Family Party with lots of food and a huge Easter Egg hunt. There are lots of little cousins so the girls loved it. They hit 675 easter eggs! Jessie found the most and won $40! (family took up money to give 1st, 2nd, and 3rd prizes) We thoroughly enjoyed visiting with all the family. This also freed us up from having to travel between families on Sunday. Later in the afternoon, we drove to Fayetteville to Dixieland Fun Park. The four of us had such a blast riding rides, laughing and just enjoying being together. Jolie is so much like me......NO FEAR. And Jessie is more like her Daddy. More cautious. But both girls rode the zip line and screamed but loved it!

We didn't leave there until close to 10 pm! The girls slept in the car and went right to bed when we got home. I had to make a congealed salad, but quickly got to bed as well.
We got up and got ready for church. We were dragging but we made it! We had an incredible morning at church, came home, took Easter Pictures, then I finished cooking. Then we headed to my brother's house for Easter, at 4 pm. The girls enjoy being with my neice Callie, who is 22 yrs old. And then my great nephews were there, who are 3 and 4. So they did another Easter Egg hunt and then rode bumper cars. (the boys brought them) We had a wonderful time with family.

Last night, we had dinner with my Mom and Dad, Josh and his girlfriend, and the four of us. We played Wii and had fun.

Tonight, we ordered pizza and watched Bolt! Just enjoyed being at home and being lazy. Dee had to work today with the Army and tomorrow, but was home by 4 pm.

This week, we have a lot planned. Thursday, we are going to Noah's Ark to see all the animals. That should be a wonderful experience. We might go bowling later.

Friday, we are going to Stone Mountain later in the day to stay at the Evergreen hotel. They also have an indoor pool so the girls can swim. The hotel has a package deal so we can stay and get breakfast and 4 tickets to the park for a really good deal! All day Saturday will be Stone Mtn park, then the laser show that night. The decision is....do we stay Saturday night at the park and drive to church Sunday or do we go home Saturday night? Verdict is still out!

We are trying to use our time to build memories for the girls, take pictures and just enjoy our time left.

Just when we thought.....

Just when we thought things were finally leveling out for us, the Army delivers another blow today.
Last week, they (a Lt.) came to Dee and asked him if he would consider leaving 5 days early for his MOB training in Indiana. That would put him leaving on the 20th, instead of the 25th. I was against it until he told me they would give him extra days off. So in the long run, we'd be together more. So we agreed. This was supposed to give him 10 days off in a row! So we planned our vacation. I spent two days calling condos, trying to find a place to go. Then got in touch with my dear cousin who is the consierge at a Resort in St. Pete. Because we are family, she could get us a "Sweet" deal. So we made the plans to go on Monday 13th and return on Friday the 17th, giving Dee the weekend to relax at home and get ready to leave. The girls looked online at all the activities the resort has for children and then we also planned to visit Busch Gardens. (Free for military families) They were so excited.
Well, in typical Army fashion, they advised Dee today that he could not take off Tuesday and Wednesday. So right in the middle of our vacation days, he was going to have to be on base! So he went back and asked if he could take 2 vacation days but they said no. (something to do with leave days and vacation in the middle.)
All they said was they were sorry he was given wrong information. That was that.
So I had to cancel all our plans and tell our girls that the vacation was cancelled. It broke my heart.
Dee was so upset about it. But what can we do? Nothing when it comes to the longer vacation, but we are going to make good use of our time together. He gets this Friday and Monday off, so we are going to do some things around town like Six Flags, then go to Newnan and stay in a hotel, then go to the Family Easter Egg hunt a few miles from there on Saturday. Next week, we are going to do Stone Mtn/stay in a hotel, do the laser show, Bowling, and Noah's Ark. This will be a fun time and the places we are staying have indoor pools so the girls can swim. I am determined to try and have a positive outlook and make good use of our time. I do admit it's been tough and I've had my share of pity parties today. But I'm not going to let the Army still my joy with my family. Our time together is short and very precious.
I just feel like I walk on eggshells, waiting for the next "bomb" to drop. For the Army to deliver some other news to ruin something else. Nothing is set in stone and I know that. I should have been prepared, but they came to him with the deal. I am angry that they get what they wanted; for Dee to deploy early. And we get nothing.

Surprise Deployment Party....SUCCESS!

Well, I have been planning a deployment party for Dee now for at least a month. It's been tough to keep the secret and I thought for sure he had some ideas and almost just gave up Friday night and confessed. But Jessie begged me to continue as planned.
We had the party at Zion Baptist, my parent's church, so I told Dee that my folks wanted us to serve at a Senior of the Year banquet. (which we have done before) and he was most gracious and agreed to help. So when Saturday rolled around, I was so glad to finally get the secret out.
We drove up in the parking lot full of familiar vehicles, but Dee wasn't paying attention. There was even a family member in the P/L and I managed to distract Dee until they got inside. We walked in, and everyone started clapping and cheering. It took a second to register, but the look on his face was priceless. It was worth all the planning and stress of keeping it secret. There were two banners hanging up wishing him well and everything was decorated USA/RED/WHITE/BLUE.
Family and Friends, some he hasn't seen in years, were there. His grandparents that are in a nursing home, were there. It was very special.
My parents cooked all the pork and chicken BBQ to feed 75 people! Thank you! So we ate a good meal and once finished, showed a Slide presentation of Dee's "Year in Review", set to our favorite song, "HOME" by Michael Buble.
Then Jessie had prepared a song, and changed to words somewhat. The original song is Hannah Montana called "I Miss You". But the song was written for the TV Show and when her Mom died. Jessie changed the words to say "I'll Miss you" and included him serving for our country. There were many people crying as she sang this to him. It was very touching. Jolie was supposed to sing too, but got shy, as usual. We tried to video it prior so both could do it, but the sound quality wasn't good.

Then we gave him a few presents later that afternoon. One was a new Canon Camera to take with him to Afghanistan. The other was two dog tags. One says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and the other says, "Keep me close to your heart. I love you. Always and Forever, Lori"

Now the time is drawing near. Dee's deployment date has been moved up, but I'm hoping we can spend more time together now. He is getting more time off because he volunteered to go early. So we will find out tomorrow if he will have 10 straight days off, starting Friday. If so, we will leave Monday for a vacation. Haven't booked anywhere yet.

We will come back Saturday and that gives us the weekend to get the rest of his stuff packed and ready to go. Then Monday, he leaves for Indiana. He will be there for 50 days then go to Afghanistan. We will supposedly be able to go out there to visit for 4 days before he leaves.

Thank you to all that could attend the party. You truly made that day special for all of us.

Love,
Lori