Rough time on Day 9

First, let me say how heartbroken I am over the loss of Sam's baby. I can't imagine the pain they must be going through. I am praying for them all day, every day.

The last two days have really been tough on Dee. He's starting to feel his age, as he tries to keep up with the younger guys. They had to hike 3 or 4 miles, in a thunderstorm, out in to the woods. His Ruck sack had too much in it, but they said "Bring everything!" so he did. He literally almost collapsed, not able to breathe. That is when they discovered his ruck was too heavy. Then sleeping on a cot in a tent.....his back wasn't feeling so good after all that. He didn't sleep well again.
Then he went to bed with a headache and woke up with a headache (probably dehydration). It eventually got better during the day but they are out doing field drills/exercises in full combat gear, body armor etc. I know he's in the Army, but for a computer analyst type, this is difficult.

He started getting home sick yesterday, really questioning why he had ever signed up. He knows we have suffered through no pay, no respect from the National Guard. And knows that we are always on hold with our lives, waiting on the Army to make up it's mind. He texted me yesterday several times how he missed holding me, falling asleep with my hand on his head, (silly things that we've grown accustom to), etc.

Today, he sounded worse. It seems like most of the family guys were having a rough day today. I think the fatigue is a factor, plus it's been 9 days now. They are used to coming home on the weekends.

When Dee left, he showed no emotion outwardly. Prior to him leaving, when I was crying so hard, all night long. NO sign of emotion. It worried me. I knew he was feeling it, but not showing it. So I think he's bottled it all up and now with the fatigue, its all coming out.

Tonight, driving to church, Jolie helped Jessie with something and said, "I'm your Huckleberry, right Jessie?" Well, that saying is from the movie TOMBSTONE. We use it all the time when you help someone. It's really special between the girls and Dee. He is their Huckleberry. Jolie is very protective of that title between her and her daddy. I said, "Well, since Daddy isn't here, we can all be each other's Huckleberry until he returns." She said, "Daddy is here Mommy!" I said, "Really? What do you mean?" Jolie said, "He's right here in my heart. Just like Jesus is!" Well I teared up and thought that was the sweetest! When Dee calld me when I got to church, I told him about that and it really touched him. He started crying. I felt bad for telling him at that moment. Then he talked to Jolie about something she had done in choir. They were talking about prayer requests. He told her she could ask for prayer for herself since she missed her Daddy. They both were crying. Man! When I talked to him, he was still crying and hung up upset. I did good to stay strong on the phone, but as soon as I hung up, I just lost it. I got it out of my system and a friend from church and my nephew were there to console me. And of course, Jolie was there to hug me too. She always does that when she sees me missing Daddy.

I talked to him later, before bed. He was still struggling. But he said most of the family guys were. He said that a lot of guys are in to sports, or cars, or just hanging out with other guys. But he is different. His family is his life. And because we do everything together, it causes him to miss us even more. We are soul mates and best friends. I miss him terribly.

I can't believe it's only been 9 days! Truly feels like a month already. Everyone says the first month is the hardest, although many wives say the first two months. So we'll see how it goes. We'll be seeing each other in June so it will be close to 2 months when he gets his 4 day pass. Just hope it doesn't start all over again and take another month or two to adjust.

I know it will for him because he'll be in Afghanistan, in a totally different place. But I think once he gets settled, the routine of his job there, and us being in a routine will help.

I am so thankful for my family and friends that know just what to say and how to lift me up. I've got another friend that is an Army wife and it's been a blessing that we've become friends. It helps to have someone that understands exactly how you feel. Her husband is with Dee. I've also met other Army wives on Facebook through a Christian Military Wives site. We all seem to have a difficult time sleeping so you'll usually find us up chatting with each other at 2 am or so! LOL

I am asking for your prayers for Dee. Pray he has an uplifting day. That God will renew his spirit and carry him tomorrow. Pray he will rest tonight, best he can. (They are doing sleep deprivation training with Flashbangs! FUN! NOT!)

He will be in the woods until Saturday. We decided to lift our spirits, we went shopping for Dee's Care package items. It helped. I went crazy and bought everything I could think of that he might want. I think he'll be well stocked for a while. He said the water is horrible and he's been very thirsty so I bought Crystal light packets and gatorade. I ended up having two boxes full that we'll ship tomorrow. That will give him something to look forward to. The girls are going to draw him a picture or two and put some notes in there. If you want to send a note, send it to my email loriluluburd@gmail.com and I will print it and send it in the boxes.

Thanks for reading. Remember to pray for Don and Sam Swaney and all the family.

Love
Lori